Sunday, December 24, 2006

A Christmukkah gift to you

Happy Chrismukkah, dear readers!

I have a little present for you. Think of it like a DVD extra feature but with words. I'm posting some excerpts from Walker's bit of Pretty Things that never made it into the final version. I thought they might amuse you.

And then we had to stop because Lavinia strutted in and started screaming like a fishwife at us.

I had Charlie practically in catatonic shock next to me and over the other side of the room there was Daisy, curling in on herself as she bore the brunt of Lavinia's wrath.

Daisy has this really annoying thing about how she's fat. It's all "No, don't touch me there, I'm so lumpy." And even though I'm besotted with the evil little bitch, even I could never call her exactly sylph-like. But as she sat there, her lips, her shoulders, her everything drooping further down as Lavinia got going with her invective, she seemed to shrink before my eyes. Disappear into herself.

When she got up and tore out of there, it was like she was taking another piece of my soul with her.


"Um hang on a second," Charlie said from behind his fingers. "Don't take this the wrong way but I… well, I… that is… I like it when you flirt with me. I know it's not going to go anywhere. Believe me, I'm painfully aware of that but it doesn't mean you have to stop."

"I can't help it," I tried to explain. "It's like this inevitable reaction once I know someone fancies me. But I could try to stop…"
Charlie pushed the sun-bleached tips of his hair out of his eyes and frowned. "Didn't you just hear what I said? I don't want you to stop flirting with me. It's about the only sexual contact I get."

"Or you can stop," he hastily amended. "But only when I'm madly in love with someone who has the good sense to be madly in love with me back."
"I think the back of my head has just fallen out."


"So I guess you told Charlie," Daisy said calmly to Brie who refused to back down. I was getting really pissed off with V.02 of Brie, the bolshy remix.

"Charlie's my friend." The tone of Brie's voice redefined the word 'petulance.'

"Yeah and you didn't want him to find out like you did and be upset. I get that." Daisy put a hand up to shield her eyes from the sun and smiled at me.

"You been making inroads into my stash?" There had to be some reason why she was being so pleasant to me in front of other people.

I got another lazy Daisy smile and then she deliberately leaned forward and covered my hand with hers. None of this was wasted on Brie and Charlie who wore matching perplexed expressions like we were the last question in Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.

"Walker didn't tell you because I asked him not to," Daisy said to Charlie. "Because I was trying to pretend that me and him were just this temporary bout of insanity."

It took Brie and Charlie several millennia to eat their sausage and chips and bombard us with questions, which Daisy refused to answer. Instead she wouldn't stop touching me. Running her fingers along the back of my neck and tugging at the short strands of hair she found there. Curling her leg round mine under the table. Resting her head against my shoulder. There's only so much resistance a boy can give and in the end I stopped trying to fight it and let her do her worst.

The other two finally pissed off and then Daisy sighed. "Thank God for that. I thought they'd never leave. C'mere."


Next week, I will be posting a little unseen snippet from Let's Get Lost for your viewing pleasure.

Have a good one!

Love Sarra x

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Competition winners!

Hey there, my little buttercups

I had a ginormous plate of spaghetti bolognaise for dinner tonight at my favourite Italian restaurant, then walked three and a half miles home and now I'm feeling rather peckish again. Dang! I hate when that happens.

Life is a huge whirlygig of whirl at the moment. I'm still working on my second and final draft of a new book, plus have two big freelance assignments to finish up this week, before I can start worrying about Christmas presents that I have yet to buy and the free-range turkey I've yet to order. And more importantly, what the hell am I doing for New Year's Eve?

So I'm handing over this post to you. Or rather to the two winners of my little mix-CD competition. To be fair, I screwed up slightly. I do that a lot! I asked for a Christmas message from one of my characters, then I asked for a Christmas message to one of my characters. Quite frankly, I don't know where my head is these days.

There were lots of entries for either option and I was blown away by the thought and humour and creativity that had gone into them. But there could only be two winners and there are Gidget with a message from the lovely Brie and Special K who wrote a sort-of sequel to Guitar Girl - because you're certainly not getting one from me! Below are their winning messages of Yuletide cheer, and Ladies, you'll be getting an email from me asking for your snailmail addy. Well bloody done! Aaargh, that's something else I need to do this week – Crimbo cards and mix CDs!

Love Sarra x


Dearest Sarra,

Jingle bells
Walker smells
Charlie is still GAY
Daisy is a superbitch
And - oh, nevermind.

I'm just writing to wish you an amazing Christmas. 'Cause it's totally gonna be one. Next week, Charlie and Daisy and Walker and I are all going to go see The Shrew performed "professionally," together. Like as though we're the best of friends. Which, hello! Not likely.

Anyway, so what if they're professionals? I already know nothing can compare to our performance, even if the last night was . . . well, unprofessional.

On Christmas day, Charlie's coming over to do presents with me. I love getting presents, but the best part of Christmas is . . . well, the bits before it, I guess. Like, Christmas lasts all month, not just for one day. It has to do with the preparation and stuff, I think. Like, shopping for presents and listening to Christmas-y music and decorating the tree. Well, if you can get an ornament in before Henry, the wee bastard.

Everyone puts up pretty little lights and all the shops play "The Christmas Song." And it's that way the whole month! Yup. Like as though the whole world was celebrating the whole month.

Plus, everything goes all orangey and soft-focus and you feel all gooey inside like when you see that dress in the store window that's just made for you and you have exactly enough money left for it. It's the one time of year I've always felt like there were people all around me who really cared and even Henry can't ruin it when he doesn't get the present he wants or I put up the ornament that he wanted to.

So, here's wishing you happy holidays and many gooey feelings,

Oh and P.S., I'd really like that new Juicy Couture perfume or some more Anna Sui Sweet Dreams or possibly just that cute little top at Topshop I was going on about.

Special K

So it’s Christmas!
Once again the time for tinsel, trees and presents.
Oh and really crappy TV! Those rubbish films you only watch cos they’re Christmas premiers so you feel you have to…and reruns of Only fools and horses!
Unfortunately there’s also some bad things at this time of year that I just can’t escape.
Turning on the radio and hearing HIM. Turning on the TV and seeing HIM. Picking up a magazine and seeing HIM on the cover.
The success of ‘The Hormones’ seems to double over the holiday period. I sometimes wonder if whatever force is up there in the sky that controls this world just decided they hated me from day one.
So ye, I try to keep my friends around me constantly at Christmas because if I don’t my mind starts wandering to places I’d rather it didn’t and…well you hear about these people who’ve had mental breakdowns and done all kinds of crazy suicidal stuff cos of the holiday time blues. I so don’t wanna go down that path.
I know what you’re thinking. Get over it girl it was years ago!
Well I am over it….i just haven’t felt that way since. I mean I’ve had relationships but I’ve not found anyone that really makes me feel….like me. If that makes sense.
Maybe I’m just hanging on to a person I used to be, I don’t think I can be her anymore. Maybe I’m just hanging on to the idea of him realising he needs me.
Which…yeah right.
It doesn’t matter because I don’t need him and I’m just being sentimental because it’s holidays. I’m over it now. Smiles and mulled wine all around!
I’ll just spend Christmas hiding out in my flat with Smith. It’s all good.
Love Molly.

So it’s Christmas.
I hate Christmas. Simple as that. I have to stand in cold studios smiling at a camera, watching Sandrine embarrass herself by wearing clothes so thin and skimpy you can blatantly see her nipples through them! It’s ridiculous!
I know where I’d rather be…but it’s been too long. I wasn’t man enough to get her back then and I’m certainly not going to now. She’d laugh in my face. She’ll be having a fun Christmas with her boyfriend I’m sure of it. I don’t want to mess that up for her.
I miss her more than…I can’t even think of a metaphor for how much I miss her.
Maybe I could just send her a Christmas card.
Maybe if I did at least we could be friends again, right?

Yeah I know. I’m living in a dream world.
I’ll just spend Christmas hiding out in my room from Sandrine and her Christmas lingerie. How fun.
Love Dean.

(Cross-posted to

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Burning the candle at both ends...

Buenos dias, my sweet ones

I'm a little hurty today as I've been going out too much and possibly drinking too much as well. Last night, I saw my good friend Kate Kannibal (possibly not her real last name) and her wonderful band, The Priscillas, play their Christmas show. And very wonderful it was, plus there was spectacular fake snow that got everywhere.

I'm meant to be going out tonight but the thought of curling up on the sofa in my pyjamas and watching DVDs is looking more and more tempting by the second. Especially as the coming week promises bowling and/or karaoke plus going to see my favourite new band Lucky Soul. Then a cocktail party and more bowling. Everyone I know seems to have a birthday right about now. Including the baby Jesus.

When I haven't been drinking and getting the 134 bus home at some ungodly hour in the morning, I've been wading through the second draft of the second book in my new series. I've made a rash promise to deliver it before Christmas. I'm crazy like that.

I'm still thrilled with all your comments about Let's Get Lost, especially as it seems to be more than just a good read, but a book that stays with you after you've read it and makes you cry. Tears are good. Tears are what I wanted. And the other thing I love is when art and life collide and something in one of my books slots right into what's happening with you. Fr'instance, onewtown08 is moving to Bossier City which is namechecked in Sealed With A Kiss and Dannie has been to Bailey's Fish 'n' Chip shop in Southend, which gets a mention in Pretty Things. Actually, Dannie since you told me that I've had a terrible hankering fro haddock and chips from Toff's, my local award-winning chippie, but I'm trying to be strong and eat lots of vegetables instead.

But there are two points of business I need to clear up. I've mentioned them before but no one took any notice! If you are writing a book report or essay on me, then all the info you need is already online. All you need to do is google my name (in speechmarks) and you'll find everything you want, except my age and marital status because heck, a girl has to retain some mystery. I'm kinda bemused when told that people haven't been to find anything on the interpipe, or maybe they just didn't look! And the other thing is that if you send me a message on MySpace, then I can't reply to you if you'r settings won't accept messages from people you haven't Friended. And I can't Friend you if your settings only accept 'adds' from people who know your last name or your email addy. I'm not ignoring you!

And finally, no one seems to want an end of year mix CD from me. The offer still stands. Two lucky people will get my annual Songs That Have Changed My Life This Year CD that I send out with my Crimbo cards. All you have to do is send me a Christmas message from one of the characters in any one of my books. Make them, funny, thoughtful, creative, whatever and remember to leave your email addy.

Cross-posted at